I was about to get married once. He was a paparazzi photographer in London, I was the ambitious young reporter. He took me on a safari in Kenya and one night he fell to one knee under the twinkling stars while watching elephants drinking at the watering hole.
“Do you want to get married….”
“Ask me again in six months!” I interrupted her.
Cue awkward silence and back to Dumbo.
Predictably, the relationship ended within six months. In addition to dodging this bullet, I dodged many others, and I’m pretty sure my exes think the same thing about me.
Then, at 37, I left my nine-for-five (and relationship) and became Samantha X, a high class escort. While I wasn’t good at long-term relationships, I was very good at short-term relationships. Very short.
Escorting is not for the faint of heart. You need to be mentally strong, in control of the room at all times, and accept that personal romantic relationships can be difficult. Ha! There was no change for me then – I had always fought in this department.
Marriage is not the fairy tale it is sold as. Think about how many marriages end. Rugby icon Wally Lewis recently left his wife after 36 years of marriage. Imagine giving someone the best 36 years of your life and then letting them go. I always imagined it, which is why I never did it. In all honesty, it makes my blood go cold.
For years I thought that something was wrong with me because I didn’t want to get married. I would look at married couples questioningly – how on earth do they do it? These days I look at them and think, why on earth are they doing this?
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Now, after hearing and seeing endless stories of misery from sexually frustrated captive husbands (and bored, unhappy, captive wives), I find that my decision to refuse to say, “I do,” isn’t so stupid was. Maybe I and everyone else like me aren’t the compassionate ones, but the smart ones.
Here are three reasons I believe marriage is out of date: Disclaimer – not all marriages, just most of them …
1. Most people cheat
Not all, but a lot. And it’s not just the boys.
All of this “until death do us part” is bullshit. Men will look elsewhere when they don’t get it at home regardless of how much they love you, and women will look elsewhere when they crave emotional connection.
This whole notion of “I’ll get a divorce if you ever cheat on me” is unrealistic and shows a lack of understanding of our primal instincts and human nature. It should probably read, “I’ll divorce you if I ever find out.” If you can accept that, great. If you are fooled enough to think “NOT MY partner” then good luck to you.
2. We change
The person you were at 21 is not who you are at 41. While I believe that our characters naturally don’t change, our needs and wants do change.
When I was 21, I knew I was on the guest list of every club in London. Now I need to know that after 8:30 p.m. I have no more plans to go to bed.
The person you are drawn to and attract will be very different even through these decades. I am totally impressed by those who marry their high school darlings and stay married – happily – without wondering what other life / person they might have been or had.
3. We want more from life – especially from women
What is the reason so many women nowadays are financially independent and don’t want to have children? Oh yes, the little thing called love.
I make my own money, I have children, I can get sex and companionship if I want – most women can, that’s not exclusive to escorts – and I have a dog to cuddle at night.
I recently met a woman I used to know, a school mother. We exchanged courtesies, but she was close to tears. She wants to leave her marriage, but is financially unable to do so. She is trapped like so many other men and women out there who stay for the money and the children. I named her a very good divorce lawyer. I actually lost the number of all married friends I gave his name to.
Although I understand that it is difficult for you to understand what I do for work, I feel safe here.
A ‘happily married’ customer asked me the other day when trying to “stop all this nonsense and settle down”.
“Like you?” I flicked back.
“Ooh, but don’t you want to grow old with someone?”
Who says you’ll even get old with them? They could die or leave you to your best friend after 36 years of marriage.
Let’s call it fear, realism, or being smart, but I’ve come to the conclusion that nowadays a man can pay for my time without wasting it.