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Our intercourse life has fallen off a cliff and I can’t deal with the fixed rejection | Life and magnificence

I’ve been with my partner for over a decade. We met in our early 20s through mutual friends. She was dating another man at the time. Things were great at first, the thrill continued, and we had an active and adventurous sex life. Unfortunately, within a few years – and unknown to me at the time – she had difficulties at work and seemed to have lost all trust. This caused our sex life to fall off a cliff. Then I withdrew and didn’t understand where the rejection was coming from and that made it worse.

As she opened up to me We had a lot of heart-to-heart conversations, but nothing really helped. I sought therapy to work on myself and suggested that she try what she recently has and seems to like. But nothing really changes.

We had wonderful times and vacations together and I think we still love each other very much, but I can’t handle what feels like constant rejection. There are little affection at all;; nothing more than a cuddle is initiated by it. they will occasionally do something sexually for me, but she wants something the other way around happens at best once a year – and even then is just really foreplay. All of this confuses me and i’m not sure what to do

When one partner faces challenges in life, it always affects the other partner as well as their relationship in general. Some people describe what you’ve been through as a “hot potato” attempt; First, your partner began to experience work stress, which put stress and anxiety on you, and then your feelings of rejection began to affect them in turn. This type of balancing act is very common. It can be very painful, seemingly endless, and lead to despair and hopelessness. Try to be gentle with both yourself and your partner. What you are experiencing in your relationship is a process, and you have already taken some reasonable positive steps to resolve and improve it. Try to calm yourself down and, for the time being, accompany your partner in the difficult and essential task of just coping. Your strong desire for relational and personal healing will eventually pay off.

• • Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of sexual disorders.

• • For advice from Pamela on sexual matters, please send us a brief description of your concern at private.lives@theguardian.com (please do not send attachments). Submissions are subject to our general terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.

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