LOVE ABBY: I have this dilemma. I’m a woman in my forties with a good job and I’ve been told I’m a good catch.
About six months ago I moved in with a man I’ll call Peter. It started out as a roommate situation but then became friends with benefits. We agree that we are not a couple.
The problem is that Peter has a boyfriend, “Reggie”. I like Reggie and he likes me. We hung out as a group several times. To the best of my knowledge, Reggie has no idea that Peter and I are FWBs.
Reggie recently invited me to dinner. I can imagine having a real relationship with him, but I don’t know how Peter will react. Should I accept the invitation? I mean, it’s just a date. Should I mention it to Peter too?
FWB IN THE SOUTH
DEAR FWB: You and Peter agreed that you are not a couple. Take Reggie’s offer and talk to Peter about it.
The only thing that could change would be that Peter needs to find another friend with benefits as the sexual aspect of your relationship with him may be over.
LOVE ABBY: I have a 22 year old daughter from my first marriage and a 9 year old son with my 12 year old husband. My husband is 57 and I’ve just turned 41.
I would like to have another baby, mostly because I want my 9 year old son to have someone to grow up with. We don’t have any other family. It’s just him and his cousins aged 9 and 5.
Can you please let me know if my husband and I are okay or too old to have another child?
If you look at it in the west
LOVE CONSIDERATION: I am glad you wrote. This should be discussed further with your husband to make sure you are on the same page and with your gynecologist as well.
If you intend your children to grow up together, it should have been years ago. As it stands, the 10 year age difference means your son has grown up and disappeared while your younger child is still at home.
A doctor specializing in genetics can be helpful in gathering information. It is important that you understand the precautions to take before making this decision.
LOVE ABBY: It is very important to me what friends, family – even the general public – do with their money. In particular, I promote the benefits of home ownership, but I suspect my efforts to raise them require a more loving approach. I just don’t want people who are important to me to throw their money away at their landlords. Do I have to be more loving and supportive than educating?
COMMUNITY AID IN MICHIGAN
LOVE HELP: People usually have good reasons to rent rather than buy. If you keep repeating your advice and it falls on deaf ears, you may conclude that your message is not appreciated. A saying that is widely attributed to Albert Einstein is: “Madness repeats an action over and over, but expects different results.”
You can volunteer as a consultant, but only if they want to make changes and ask for your help.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.