Allison Mack apologized in her statement to the federal judge who will determine her fate on June 30 if she is to be convicted after pleading guilty to extortion and conspiracy related to the NXIVM sex cult case.
“I experienced an overwhelming shame as I worked to accept and understand everything that was going on and what I chose,” wrote Mack.
The “Smallville” star’s comments were contained in more than half a dozen letters from friends and family to District Court Judge Nicholas Garaufis testifying to Mack’s transformation since breaking up with NXIVM mastermind Keith Raniere after her arrest in April 2018 October up to 120 years imprisonment for extortion and sex trafficking.
Mack pleaded guilty in April 2019. Prosecutors asked the judge for indulgence in view of Mack’s collaboration in the case, which included providing a key audio recording documenting Raniere’s cruel plans.
The staggering details of the psychological manipulation that Raniere brought into being by encouraging his followers to engage in “master” and “slave” relationships – among other bizarre mind games disguised as self-help efforts – have become a home industry for become documentary and non-written content.
HBO launched the multi-part documentary series “The Vow” last year, the second season of which is on the way. Starz’s “Seduced: Inside the NXIVM Cult” told the story of another Hollywood family involved in NXIVM, actress Catherine Oxenberg and their daughter India.
Here is Mack’s full statement:
To those who have been harmed by my actions
To date, it’s been over three years since I last communicated with most of you. This time of isolation was the most devastating but transformative time of my life. Because of the court’s decision to allow me to stay home, I had the opportunity to be alone with my thoughts in a supportive and loving environment. One such opportunity has given me the time and strength I needed to face the darkest parts of myself and process the pain my actions have caused so many people I love which is the reason for this letter . It is of the utmost importance to me now to say from the bottom of my heart that I am so sorry. I threw myself into the teachings of Keith Raniere with everything I had. I believed wholeheartedly that his mentorship would lead me to a better, more enlightened version of myself. I have dedicated my loyalty, my resources and ultimately my life to him. This was the biggest mistake and regret of my life.
I feel sorry for those of you I brought to Nxivm. I am sorry for ever exposing you to the shameful and emotionally abusive schemes of a twisted man. I’m sorry for encouraging you to use your resources to be part of something that ended up being so ugly. I do not take lightly the responsibility that I have in the lives of those I love and I feel grievously guilty for having abused your trust and led you down a negative path. I feel sorry for those of you who I have spoken to in a harsh or hurtful way. At the time I thought I would help. I believed in hard love and thought it was the path to personal empowerment. I was so confused. I never want to be someone who is considered mean, but these aspects of my humanity have been revealed in all of this; it was devastating to be reconciled.
I experienced overwhelming shame as I worked to accept and understand everything that was going on and what I chose. There were times when I wasn’t sure I would get through this alive, the pain was so debilitating. That being said, I know that when I get out on the other side, I’ll be a better, friendlier woman. I know that I cannot heal the pain my betrayal has caused you and your loved ones, but I can promise you that your pain has not gone unseen and the knowledge that it has changed me profoundly.
I also want to apologize to all of the friends and loved ones who I hurt during this process and who were not involved in Nxivm. I know many of you fought hard to tell me the truth about Nxivm and Keith, but I wasn’t listening. I pushed you away and silenced you when you tried to save my life. I’m sorry for being so stubborn. I am sorry that I was blind to your caring and deaf to your requests. I wish with everything in me that I have chosen differently, but I cannot change the past. I have lied to you over and over again to protect the deception I was so indebted to. I know that the sacred trust that I have broken cannot be restored without forgiveness and for a considerable amount of time. While I sorely miss my friends, I understand when you choose not to invest in a future that includes me. However, I hope that you will accept this sincere apology and know that even if we never speak to each other again, I will carry all of you in my heart for the rest of my life.
The list of those who have been harmed by the collateral damage of my destructive choices continues to grow as I become more aware of how my choices have affected those around me. I am grateful that I got through this process alive and that I was stopped when I was. I owe that to the court, my family, my therapist, and some great friends. Please know that I spend my life healing the hearts I have broken and continue to transform myself into a more loving and compassionate woman. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I hope it offers at least some peace and quiet when this terrible chapter comes to an end.